


Discarded

by Lassarina



Series: 2017 Sev and Rina Prompt Extravaganza [23]
Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-27 17:40:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12587152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lassarina/pseuds/Lassarina
Summary: It is time for Quistis to walk away.





	Discarded

Quistis wads up the letter and throws it in the trash can, where it joins dozens of its discarded fellows, and starts over. She doesn't know how to phrase this letter. She knows Squall won't like seeing it; Xu will like it even less.

But every day she walks into her classroom and sees the cadets hanging on her every word, she feels ill. They believe in her—she who, with five others, fulfilled SeeD's ultimate mission—and they trust her to teach them how to do it too.

She can't.

It's not that she doesn't have confidence in herself. That was the problem the first time she wore an instructor's badge, when she failed her students so badly that one went to the other side in the Second Sorceress War. She knows who she is now, and she won't make those mistakes again.

But because she knows who she is now, she knows that to continue in SeeD in any capacity would be failing herself.

She starts again.

_ATTN: Commander Leonhart  
CC: Executive Officer Xu_

_I hereby submit my resignation as a member of SeeD, effective immediately. Future communications, if necessary, may be forwarded to me care of Mrs. Dincht, 755 Ocean Street, Balamb._

_Lieutenant Quistis Trepe_

It is too brusque, but it meets the standard laid out in the regulations. That is for the best. She can't put into words the regret, the pride, the sorrow, the overwhelming sense of _need_ that led to this letter. She has been writing it in her head for months. She has been at this desk for eight hours after the close of classes, with more scrap paper to show for it than she has ever generated in her life.

She searches her desk drawers for an appropriate envelope - green for personnel matters, not urgent - and folds the letter. She already packed up most of her things and sent them on to Ma Dincht - who graciously offered to let her stay until she finds her own place - two weeks ago, so there's only her suitcase.

Before, that one last thing. She pulls the matrix card from her pocket and programs the GF's name and parameters into it. Then she leans back in her chair and closes her eyes, reaching deep within for Bahamut. He stirs, curious, when her mind touches his.

Goodbye, she tells the powerful GF.

He says nothing, but for the briefest moment, she feels the wellspring of approval, tinged with a sense of impatience.

She lets him go, and he slides through her fingertips into the matrix card, settling into the space she built for him. She puts the card in the envelope and looks around her classroom one more time.

She has been at this so long that no one is around; the cadets are all in bed (those that aren't breaking curfew in the Training Center) and most of the staff is too. The elevator up to the Commander's office is silent. She can see the light burning; Squall, too, is still working.

She would have thought Rinoa would have dragged him off by now—but no, Rinoa is visiting Matron to learn more about her powers, she should have remembered that. She signed the escort mission orders for Selphie and Irvine herself.

She pushes the envelope into the mail slot, and hurries away before she changes her mind.

Zell is waiting by the front gate, and she pulls up short, studying him warily. He runs a hand over his hair and smiles awkwardly.

"You aren't fooling anyone," he says.

"I wasn't trying to." Of course, Ma Dincht would have told him.

"Good luck." He rubs his hand on his pants, then offers it to her.

She shakes it firmly, feeling the strength of his grip. "Take care of yourself."

"Say hi to Ma for me, tell her I'll be by on Sunday." He steps aside, and she moves past him, out of the Garden gates for the last time.

The air here is no different, but it feels different. She's got a long walk to Balamb, but she knows Zell - despite his request, he will call his mother and tell her that Quistis is on her way, and Quistis has no doubt that Ma Dincht will wait up for her, no matter how unnecessary that is.

She starts walking.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt "trash can."


End file.
